Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize