best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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