Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
