She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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