well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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