Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
