Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

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(301): View more from Maryland

we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

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(503): View more from Oregon

We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding

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(225): View more from Louisiana

He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat

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(361): View more from Texas

Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween

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(541): View more from Oregon

He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.

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