how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's never too late to be topless.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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