11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
