If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize