it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
