I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
