and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
