K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
