Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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