evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
