I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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