Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
