Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
