i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Say something about gay babies.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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