shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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