DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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