He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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