sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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