End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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