he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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