Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
