they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
