I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
