what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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