New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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