Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
