I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
