my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
