Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
