Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
