It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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