Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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