Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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