She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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