Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
