saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
