He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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