woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
