Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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