its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize