before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
