IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
