They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
