just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
