Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
