Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
