I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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