There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
