She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
