even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
