so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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