It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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