Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
