We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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