i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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