I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
