I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
