I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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