I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize