Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
