bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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