it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
