I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
