I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
