i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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