Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she told me i tasted like america
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize