I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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