you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
