my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
